Backpedaling through history

I hate those surreal moments when you realize your friends aren't quite who you thought they were. If I ever had a complaint about living in the South, it would be the amount of racism that is, upsettingly, still alive.

There is nothing more offensive to me, a white, middle class American citizen, than someone who is prejudice to other people. I'm not going to act like I've never said anything that's out of line. I have. But, haven't we all? It is a constant battle for me every day. I find myself occasionally thinking things that are just not acceptable, but I can choose to push them away. Choose not to say them. But I have to make that choice. What bothers me is when other people, "Christian" people, like myself, who can also make this choice, choose not to.

I love my friends, but so many of them are openly racist, primarily against black people. They think it's ok for them to say, "I'm not racist. I love black people! I just hate N******." Absolutely disgusts me. We've been reading To Kill a Mockingbird (coincidentally my favorite book!) in our English class, and they have become more open about their racism. I feel like the point of the novel is being completely missed on them. They've turned it all into one big joke. They "joke" about the "N******" in the book and they say other things that are completely out of line. What upsets me most about this, is the fact that I haven't found the courage to stand up to them yet. One day, though, they will cross the line too far, and I will have to say something. I don't have a lot of black friends, but the ones I do have, I love dearly. No, I'm not black, but I take it personally when people act like this, ignorant about people. I don't understand how the progress we seemed to make throughout the past two hundred plus years of history, can be shot to hell completely with one generation. Or maybe it's not one generation. Children aren't born racist. Someone had to set that example for them. I was blessed with extremely open minded and accepting parents. I know a lot of my friends weren't. I even have friends that have been threatened by their parents for dating a black guy and friends that have to hide their rap music from their parents who call it "n****** music" without even listening to it.

Racism isn't the only issue. My friends, mostly my male friends, can be extremely mean and homophobic. I will be completely honest. I do not understand the whole religion vs. homosexuality battle. I don't believe people choose to be gay. Why would someone choose such a difficult life, that will lead them down a road of ridicule and hate from so many people? No one would. I also don't completely think God would create people to be gay if it truly is a sin. I've read the Bible. I know the passages about homosexuality. I know it says a man shall not lay with a man. I know God created Adam and Eve. I can't explain this. It's something I still need to do a lot of soul searching, praying, and studying about. Until I do understand it? I will love everyone. Why should it matter if someone is gay? It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't make me uncomfortable to be around Lesbians. I don't constantly try to figure if people are gay. Why does it matter? People are people. We all desire love. We all desire equality. I don't believe it makes me any less of a Christian to believe in equal marriage rights, because to love someone properly, you have to treat them the same as everyone else you love. I don't think God looks down on us and goes, "Wow, she supports gay marriage. She's gonna BURN!" I think God appreciates our effort to understand him and his laws laid down for us, but most of all, he appreciates our effort to love one another. After all, the two most important rules stated in the Bible are: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength" and "Love your neighbor as yourself". Your neighbor might just be gay. You can't say, "Oh, well, that doesn't apply to the gay neighbors. Just the straight, white, Christian, upper-middle class neighbors who are just like me. They're easy to love." It doesn't work like that. What really gets under my skin, though, is that we are all sinners, so if being gay is a sin, they still aren't any different from the rest of us in God's eyes. God sees all sin equally, so we shouldn't judge people. You can't take other people's sins and pretend like they are worse than yours to make yourself feel better.

I hate when my friends make gay jokes. When they talk about how "gross" being gay is. I can't stand when they whisper about what guy is dating what guy. What girl kissed what girl. Why does it matter? Mind your own business, live your own life. One day, I'm going to look at my friends when they make comments like these, and ask them stop or not call themselves Christians around me anymore. I know it sounds harsh, but I hate the judgmental hypocrisy that is oh so common among today's religious people.

Before we know it, we will be in another Civil Rights movement. Well, I know what side I'll be on. When that day comes, I will be ready to march. No, I'm not black. No, I'm not gay. That doesn't mean that I think those people deserve anything less than I do. If you find yourself to be one of those closed minded people, think about it. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Save yourself from a life in the dark, before we launch ourselves sixty years into the past.

When did we all grow up?

Today is Wednesday, and it's been almost a week since this shell shocking incident occurred. Friday night, My best friend Macey and I were helping with a benefit concert for an injured Marine at our high school. Now, if you need to know anything about Macey and me, it's that we both live beautifully sheltered lives in the sense that we cherish any childish moment we can and neither of us have experienced anything too terribly "worldly". We are, for a pair of 16 year olds, the definition of blissful innocence.

While we were working Friday, two of our classmates came in as high as kites. We knew they smoked pot, but, seeing as neither of us are often found at parties or in with the "popular crowd", we had never really been exposed to people while they were stoned. We didn't say it, but speaking for myself and her, we were scared. Both of these guys are notorious for having high douche bag status, but this put the icing on the cake. One of the guys was completely oblivious to the world, and Macey and I couldn't help but wonder if he realized that his girlfriend was out with a bunch of other guys (we were later informed by our friend Kate). The second guy was like a more disgusting, more rude version of his already pervertedly nasty self. We both scoffed as he somehow got away with humping the floor in front of everyone that was there that night, his eyes red and his voice hoarse.

As I listened to guy #1 ramble about nothing and guy #2 run aimlessly, removing his shirt as if he had turned into Superman, I realized that I had no idea what had happened to us. All of us. One day, we're drinking Kool Aid and eating cookies on the play ground, the next, we're taking shots and smoking pot as someone feels us up in their back seat. It was a terrifying realization. I am not trying to seem "holier than thou", but I luckily, can not, or could not, until Friday, speak from even an ounce of experience. I know it's awfully cliche, but I don't want to grow up. I see people I used to be close to, and now they are just a ghost of themselves. Everyone is changing, most for the worst.

I can honestly admit that I don't like either of those guys, but when they told us that they were driving themselves home, and refused any help, I couldn't stop myself from repeatedly telling them to be careful and saying a prayer, begging God to watch over them, stupid as they had been that night. I couldn't help but feel a pang of joy when I saw them both Monday morning. I know they'll do it again. I know nothing can stop them right now. I know they aren't the only people I know that participate in this terrible, life threatening behavior.

I hate when people say that weed is "harmless". It's not. It's a drug. It's scary when the same people, three years ago talked about how disgusting and stupid getting high is, are the very same people who smoke every weekend now.

This may sound naive. This may sound impossible. I don't care. I am making this statement now. I will never smoke. I will never drink underage, and I may never drink at all. I don't want to grow up if it means being a part of things like that. My life is perfect the way it is now.