Moving On

I'm sure that through reading my posts, you most likely assume that I am not much more than a dramatic, slightly angst-y, sappy, naive, complaining teenage girl who is stuck with her head in the clouds and needs to be brought down to reality. Well, you might be right. I'm ok with that, though. It's who I am and I don't want to change. I don't want to lose sight of the fairytale I've always dreamed of for myself.

Now you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, after my last break up, I was sort of bitter. Well, bitter compared to my past self. I have spent a lot of time alone. I was uncharacteristically uninterested in curling up on the couch and watching a romcom or drinking a cup of tea with a romance novel. I scoffed at other's relationships, acting very differently from my previous disposition towards other people in love.

Recently, like it always does, time has fully healed me. I am back to my love song singing, fairytale reading, romantic drama watching self. I don't pray for rain so that the sky looks as dark as I feel, but instead, I relish the sunshine. I love hearing about other's romantic ventures again. I even find myself excited by them. I'm no longer jealous of what others have in a partner because I have found true happiness in singularity.

This is not to say that I am completely finished dating and strive to stay single, but I'm no longer searching for someone to fill that hole in my heart. It is filled. If I find myself in a relationship, that is fantastic. If I don't, then I know I'll have the time of my life still.

I knew for sure that I was no longer heart broken when I ran into my ex today. I felt nothing. I did not have a longing to get back together with him. I did not miss him. I did not hate him. I was indifferent. I felt nothing. I still don't want to be friends with him, but I also don't hold out a death with in his name, either. Granted, we didn't even speak, but I didn't feel the same pang somewhere lost between my heart and my stomach that I usually felt at the sight of him. We'll see how It goes when I have to see him every day at school in more than passing, but I am hopeful.

So, I am currently off the market. Teenage boys are stupid (mostly (; ) and I want so much out of a relationship that I have yet to hear of, much less meet, a guy who can truly make me a happy by being anything more than a friend to me. Besides, isn't dating really about searching for who you want to marry? I doubt I will be meeting him in high school. But as I have previously mentioned, if a kind young sir strikes my fancy, I am not opposed to dinner and a movie. I'm no longer afraid of being broken again and you never know where even one date might lead.